Eat vegan while pregnant- Your kid isn't getting enough nutrients.
Eat paleo while pregnant- Your kid isn't getting enough nutrients.
Eat standard North American diet while pregnant- Definitely not enough nutrients.
Eat whatever you want while pregnant- No nutrients. None. And you will probably get fat.
Give birth without drugs- You think you are better than everyone else.
Give birth with drugs- You are putting your baby in danger.
Give birth at home- You are putting your baby in danger. And you're probably a weird hippy.
Vaccinate- Your kid will die or get autism.
Don't vaccinate- Your kid will die.
Sleep train- Your kid's gonna end up on the psych ward by age 13.
Don't sleep train- Your kid will be unemployed and playing video games in your basement at age 40.
Bedshare- You will probably kill your baby. You will never have sex.
Don't bedshare- Your baby will die alone in his crib due to either too high temperature, too low temperature, not enough carbon dioxide, or too much carbon dioxide.
Formula Feed- You are a failure.
Breastfeed- You are awesome, as long as you are not doing it in public, you are wearing a tent while doing it and are not doing it past the age of 1.
Babywear- Your kid will never learn to walk.
Use a stroller- Your kid will get a flat head. And is lazy!
Disposable diaper- They are made from cancer causing substances.
Cloth diaper- There are cancer causing chemicals in them.
EC- You will end up with a ferrel child who pees all over your carpet.
Introduce solid foods early- Your kid will end up with allergies, diabetes and obesity.
Introduce solids late- Your kid will be iron deficient.
Give your kids freedom- They will get seriously injured or die.
Don't give them freedom- They will find a way to do what they want and get seriously injured or die.
Okay, I lied! My next blog post will be positive!!! I couldn't resist a spin off before I wrote my next post.
And yes, I know this idea isn't original, but it's so fun!!! And lightens the mommy war mood.
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